Hatred. Disappointment. Rejection. Sadness. Anger. Trauma. Distress. Envy. Weakness. Defeat. Giving up. Revenge. Depression. Let down. Annoyed.
Are you dealing with any of these feelings and emotions simply because someone is talking behind you back? It is time you put a stop to all that. Here’s a very helpful and no-nonsense insight into why people talk behind your back and what you can do about it.
Why people talk behind your back
You are an achiever
In many cases, people will talk behind your back when you’ve achieved something that they can’t. It is enviable progress that often sparks conversations behind your back. People who are extremely successful often have to break out from the shell of the norms of society and culture. This very fact may be the reason why people are gossiping behind your back whether it is in school, college or at the workplace.
Let’s take the classic example of Justin Bieber. We are not going to debate about whether he is a good singer or not. But haven’t we seen the millions of “I hate Justin Bieber” posts on the internet? That’s because Justin has managed to break, or should we say, flout many of the generally considered norms of traditional music.
They are jealous of the good things in your life
Let’s begin this with another classic example and scenario. Mr. X joins ABC Ltd. In less than 6 months, Mr. X gets promoted and becomes a manager. Mr. Y and Miss Z have been working in the company since the last 2 years and have been eagerly waiting to be promoted to the same post. But this newbie, Mr. X beat them to it. Mr. Y and Miss Z keep talking about Mr. X behind his back all day long.
Being promoted at the workplace was just an example. The hard fact of life is that when people become jealous of the something you’ve done or received, they will talk behind your back.
They’ve got nothing better to do
The fact that people are talking about you means that they’ve really not got anything better to do. Surely we’d all want our lives to be more productive and more meaningful than gossiping and bitching about others. This leads to one simple fact. Their lives are miserable and pitiable.
What to do when people talk behind your back
One of the first things you have to acknowledge and understand is that there’s nothing you can do. You may be able to silence or convince one person who talks about you when you’re not listening. But how many people in the world are you going to try to convince? Do you know that even a person like Steve Jobs had a lot of critics who dismissed his management and marketing style, and even his personality? The point that we’re trying to get across is that no matter what you do and how good you are at anything in life, there will be people who think otherwise. They will talk behind your back in an attempt to pull you down.
Understand that they don’t matter
The people who talk behind your back obviously aren’t important in your life. If they really were, they’d be on your side, wouldn’t they? Your true happiness lies in the progress and well being of you as an individual and that of your loved ones including family and friends. What everyone else has to say, think or feel does not and should not affect your happiness or state of mind. Realize this before it’s too late.
Smile confidently when you walk past
The biggest blow to anyone gossiping behind your back is the sight of you walking by with a confident smile that says “I know you talk behind my back but I don’t care” And if you really want to take this battle a notch up, put some zing into your step and walk as if you are the happiest person in the world when you walk past the people who talk behind your back.
Laugh it out
One of the biggest blow that people who talk behind your back can receive, is your happiness in the overall scheme of things. The fact that you are not affected or bothered by their talks is a big defeat to them in the first place.
Don’t feel victimized
As you may have realized by now, a situation when people talk behind your back begins when you have achieved or done something that others are jealous of. All this really points out to only one fact – You are the victor from the very beginning. Play your role of being the victor, celebrate and rejoice about the fact that people find you worth talking about.
Build up your own support system
Yes, we all have friends and colleagues who will watch out for us. If you don’t, there’s no reason to panic because we all have to start somewhere, don’t we? Start by being nice to the people around you who really matter. Make a conscious effort to be nice, every single day. This will rub off and you will lay the foundation of having your very own following. Creating a following and a support system takes years, so be patient and treat every day as a challenge.
Plan your confrontation well
Throwing a fit or over reacting in a situation like this is not going to help your cause. It will only prove the fact that you have been mentally affected by what people are talking about you, behind your back. Be relaxed and most importantly, show that you are unperturbed by the rumors and gossip that’s been going around. If you must react or confront to a situation, plan it well. Talk to those responsible behind closed doors so there is no audience.
An eye opener
For those of you who are still in doubt, here’s a quick look at a few who are, or have been criticized and ridiculed by people who talked behind their backs.
Do you now understand this eye opener, and realize what they all have in common? Besides the fact that they were criticized and talked about by millions around the world, they were all successful in their own right. They are all living their dreams. How they’ve achieved their dreams and whether that is the right way is a separate debate we are not going to get in to. Bottom line is that they are achievers.
The only way to win
No, you’re not going to win the battle by arguing with each and every individual who talks behind your back. No, you are not going to win by throwing punches. And you’re definitely not going to win by feeling disappointed and slouching in your chair at home. The only way you will win is by progressing and continue doing what you have been doing for your own happiness. The only way you are going to win is by beating the odds and achieving greater heights. Go for it!
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